Moving...and other stuff...

First off, let me apologize (AGAIN) for disappearing off the face of the earth. This is what summer does to me. But I think summer is a good enough excuse...sort of... When you're homeschooled, Summer can do dangerous things to you...

And secondly, I'm not moving literally (thank goodness. Not planning to move anytime soon...). I've decided to 'move' to a different blog, for a number of reasons. I'll give you the url in a bit - it only has like, one post so far. I'll miss this dear blog that I've started four years ago in '07, with all its weird and childish or childlike compositions and ramblings. But I think it's time to grow up a little bit. And there have been a lot of other changes in life too, so I thought, 'oh, might as well'. (as if I couldn't handle one blog enough XD)
In my new blog I will try to post more meditations and the like (I never knew how much improvement it did to my writing skills), as well as music videos and maybe some book reviews. But I'm afraid I don't have time to post my old "saints' stuff" like I did when I was...er, younger. That was fun, though. And even though I stopped that a long time ago, I'll miss that as well...

Another big change is that I have changed my username to 'Akalei'. That is my name in Hawaiian, and Charity Therese is/was only my pen name. I go by Akalei in a lot of other things and places, and it's also my artist name. So it should be easier to recognize me...sort of. I'll miss being called 'CT' though!

So...if there are any readers left out there, thank you for your patience! This will be one of my last posts here. All your sweet comments (if there are any left, lol) and sharings and such have been much appreciated. Thank you for taking your time to read this neglected blog. :)

What love really means...

A sweet song I came across. ^^ Took me forever to find what it was! Hope you enjoy it as much as I did. :)

Fruitful Baskets!

Just kidding. So, for this post I thought I'd do something a little different.

Lately, I've been reading this manga series that my friends recommended. Fruits Basket by Natsuki Tayaka. Please don't panic and leave this webpage yet! To be honest, I'm not much of an otaku (aka a manga fan...an obsessive manga/anime fan...). Although I DO really enjoy reading and drawing in the manga/anime style, I don't usually read manga or watch anime on a regular basis. But this story has a lot of good points, like any regular book might have. I'd recommend it for any interested kids aged 14 or 15 and up. (or maybe younger, as long as you stop around volume 14-ish)There are a few questionable details here and there, but the overall story is excellent and provides a lot of extra reflection.

Anyway.
This story is about a teenage optimistic and sweet, innocent orphan girl who lives with another troubled family. A family with a curse. Whenever a family member is hugged by someone of the opposite gender, they turn into an animal of the Zodiac (tiger, ox, rat, dog, etc). Now it doesn't sound so bad, but that's what causes a lot of problems. Because of this curse, they are weighed down by their own problems; blame and rejection from their parents and family, loss of loved ones, and utter fear of the world coldheartedness.
Tohru Honda (the orphan girl) simply encourages the family members to get along, and often looks on the bright side to inspire them. Even though she has her own problems too, like the death of her parents and such, she always puts this family in front of own things, and makes sure they're doing their best to be happy. That's basically it, but Tohru is a truly inspiration character and model. I can't say much more about it, otherwise I'd be giving the story away.
But some of the other characters/family members have some pretty good qualities too. You can see throughout the story that they do learn, accept, and then let go. Be warned though, the story can be a little depressing, for there can't actually be a satisfying answer to every problem for everyone. In order for a happy ending, there is a lot of self-sacrificing the characters make, and lots of change of heart. It's something that is much needed in this world today, and that's why I like this series so much. Quite sweet and touching. The story got me teary-eyed too...another good reason to read it... At the end of the series, I was thinking that maybe if we'd just follow the wonderful qualities the characters possess, then maybe we could provide basketful of fruits for God?

But it really doesn't look it though, doesn't it?
Usually when you see manga or anime, it's kind of 'eeh...' :P But this one is mostly good. If you're old enough and right in the head, it's quite enjoyable. (I hear it's usually the first manga anyone reads) Kind of funny too. :) Again, there are a few questionable details. Like the whole Zodiac thing? But what about the whole Harry Potter thing? It's not like we're gonna run around waving wands in everyone's faces and battle nose-less guys.

When I grow up...I'm going to be a little kid.

"Life was so much simpler when our definition of drama was someone stealing our crayons, and our biggest fears were catching cooties or missing nap time."

A friend of mine said that, on a recent status on Facebook. I responded with a "Ah yes, such sweet memories."
Nowadays, (and I'm sure nowadays will stretch for the rest of my years) I've been kind of missing those kinds of things. I mean, now we can't find anything simple. Can't even define normal OR simple anymore. It wasn't like that when we were little, when we could fall as many times as we wanted, and it wouldn't hurt as much as it does now. Such a superpower, huh?

Unfortunately, it's an impossible wish to be completely back in the good old days, where everything was simple and carefree. And fun. And when Mr. Rogers never seemed to age. And when everyone thought Magenta from Blues Clues was a girl. And when you thought swings couldn't swing high enough...
I could go on forever, but you get the point. My friend was saying that he wished that things could be simple again, carefree, etc...
I responded so: "I think you still could though, in a way...like when we were little, falling didn't hurt as much, probably because we always knew and trusted that someone would always be there to pick us up. I think now that we're older, and feel pain a lot differently, that kind of trust fades off...and we kind of forget that there's Someone else who can always pick us up, in any of our worst kinds of fallings. 'Cause there's always something better out there, better than having the most epic color pencils and light-up shoes that God has in store for us."

We'll always be a little kid at heart, but we know that doesn't completely erase our problems. Sometimes we wish we could be content with the simplest things, like what I mentioned above. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. God didn't create us to live for color pencils, playgrounds, giant slides (but if you somehow ended up with that kind of vocation, I have to say that I am EXTREMELY jealous.), He has something better. And, sticking those pictures of sweet childhood memories to our fridges, we can get there with that childlike heart. We're just gonna have to trust God a little more to do more than just pick us up. :) He can lift us up and make us soar.

I'm still alive...

I totally apologize for the disappearance (AGAIN). You have no idea how many times I tried to get into my blogger account! I even tried commenting on my previous post to let my readers know that I couldn't access my account, but then realized that I had 'locked' my comment box so that I could only publish it once I was logged in as blog administer. (Yep, epic fail.)
So there I was furiously typing in my password again and again and again and again to absolutely no avail, when I FINALLY saw those three little words and a question mark.

Forgot your password?

Thank God for people who have pity on airheads like me.

Anyway, I will get back to posting soon. Thank you for your amazing patience, and I apologize again for the inconvenience!

Happy Easter!

I was so excited after Easter Vigil, that I almost said 'Merry Christmas' after Mass. :) Wishing you all a blessed and joyful Easter season!

Palm Sunday

Wishing all my dear friends and readers a blessed Holy Week. :) Here's an amazing short film I found last night - thought I'd share it! (and yes, it's worth watching.)



'Til Easter, everyone! Almost there!

Halfway there...

Are we all 'ohmigosh, that was fast' or, '...not fast enough...'? ;)
Lent is a good time to clean out all the lint in our 'dryers' before we come out all fresh and clean. :)

Anyways, I don't have much to write about right now, but here's a nice song that I wanted to share.
Sometimes (well, not sometimes, all the time!) God just longs to be our everything. And He is. How big, or what's the definition of our 'everything'? What or who is our everything now?

Rest assured...

...I have NOT fallen off the face of the earth, thank God. I've just slipped. ;)

I know, where in the world has this writer gone to, especially before Lent? Doesn't she owe you a post? Yes, I do owe you a post. In fact, I'll give you this one long post!

I'll spare you on the details, but things in life have been changing. A lot. Besides the annoying teenager hormones and my siblings who are almost ALL taller than me (except for one...) and the war with acne finally subsiding, of course.

It's mostly about growing up, that's been 'up' lately. I know, all of the above were about growing up...but...ok, read at little bit more and you'll find out.

First of all, it just hit me that I AM a teenager. girl. With a face and some sort of aura God created me to have, and that eventually, a boy or two...or five...will notice. Scary thought, ya? I totally agree. I say I need a frying pan or two to keep those buggies away.
Okay, I didn't mean that seriously (well...maybe a little... :P ;) ), I DO have some really nice friends who are guys. Yes, they all ARE scary, immature, and childish at times, but it took me a while to realize they're just little boys...with big hearts.
And NO, I know what you're thinking, but no. Miss CT is not planning on dating anytime soon, noooo sireee... Like I said, rest assured. I believe that those kind of relationships should first and foremost be built upon Christ's holy and pure love, as we build our friendship as true brothers and sisters - whether we feel any 'feelings' or not, or whether things would work out the way we think they will or not. That goes for every kind of relationship. You just need to make sure it's firm and strongly built, not on sand, but on a nice sturdy Rock. But I'm not going further there, (unless you want me to) so please bear with me as I hop onto the next paragraph.
So there you have it. I'm being chased around by boys - a position I have never thought of being pulled into... I know that's very un-girly of me, but I assure you that I am not even close to an average Catholic teenage girl. (Weird, huh? It's like I see romance as the worst thing that could ever happen to me! lol. But no, it's definitely not worst thing that could happen to me, it just may not be for me yet.) The situation used to bother me a lot. Not much these days. It's not the fact that I am being chased around that bothers me the most, it's the horrid fact that when I give them a 'no', they break...and so do I.
The first time happened a couple of years ago - a total bolt from the blue. He was a friend from Church, and I didn't know him that well. When I realized of the drama he was asking of me, I was totally dazed. Just by the thought of that 'boyfriend/girlfriend' relationship, I felt sick and ruined. I never wanted anyone to like me in that way. ...So obviously, nothing ever came out of it. It hurt my friend for a while, but he's alright now. But that was the first time. Now it's like I have every guy I know under suspicion of 'chasing me'.

So let me fast-forward to last month. I had been completely devastated over this fact that bore the question: How far am I supposed to go to love people??
I don't want to boys to keep falling for me, only for them to go away with a broken heart. Of course, I guard my heart pretty well - I'm definitely not an easy fish to catch, as they have learned very well. I asked myself, did/am I doing something wrong?? I put up more 'walls'. But they follow me anyway. I was disgusted with myself. Felt like the only person who hated me, was me. And if you haven't guessed yet, I DO care for my guy friends, whether they want to chase me or not. It's just that the matter is so fragile and complicated...I don't want to be the one to cause the pain. I know and knew what St. Paul was saying 'Love is patient, Love is kind...' And I do want to potray that perfect love with all my heart to everyone, (as everbody should desire that! I hope.) but... How far should I go before somebody's heart breaks? If not theirs, what about mine? Can't I be a better friend and spare everybody of wasted pain?

I decided to pray on this at an Adoration night...
And I got my answer.

"Love until it hurts."
Me: Whaaaat? That doesn't help at all. Love 'til it hurts - how do you do that???
Then I raise my eyes from the Eucharist and freeze at it rests on my Lover hanging on the Cross.
I was all, "Ohh." (*buries face in arms*)
'Love until it hurts'... I had missed one important part of St. Paul's definition of love: Love endures all things.

...I'll end that part of this post there. But before I go on...
Um, honestly? Right now, I'm still wrapping my mind around that. I feel more assured and confident about matter, but not 100%. Really, if we were 100% ok about everything - sure things would be a lot easier - but life would be so boring, don't you agree?! It's testing that faith, hope, and love that bring out the beautiful things in life.

Anyway. I do suppose I owe you a post on Lent.
Now, I've said a lot about Lent before in the past, so I don't want to repeat myself here... But here's something that I've gotten out of Lent so far.
One of my resolutions was to give up my extra computer time. Yes, facebook too. But I didn't say I was giving up facebook entirely.
Why? Not just because some of my friends aren't giving up facebook. I had decided on using facebook to reach out to my friends in need, in whatever distress or problems they were going through. One of my friends lost his job. Another one of my friends needed encouragement and someone to talk to. So far, it's gone pretty alright, except for the fact that facebook has some pretty nasty glitches that make me miss messages... :P
Anyways. Besides that, I realized that without all that extra time to play around on facebook, 'stalk' my lovable friends and read all their posts, play with the flair apps and bejeweled games...the days suddenly got longer. I'm not kidding! I find my afternoon hours so long and empty. Especially 3-6pm. Then it hit me: What in the world do I do for 2-3 hours on facebook?? There's a lot I could do in three hours without facebook. Cook, clean, draw some saint pics, write a song, watch some VeggieTales stuff with my siblings...and well, blog.
It made me think, if we gave up something that consumes so much of our time, then what could we do to fit in those hours that would make our days so much longer and fulfilling? I find that if time feels slow, it means you do a lot in your day and get a lot out of it.

Next week we'll be halfway finished through Lent. Has time been seemingly slow for you or not? :)

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It's quiet here...

Yeah, sorry about that... I've been getting over this horrible stomach flu. I'm still recovering. But I can manage to sneak in a post. ^_^

First off, it's my first post of 2011! :D Yay! Happy New Year friends!

So, do I have lots of check marks on my old "New Years Resolutions for 2010" list?
Yes...and no...noooo......but it turned out to be so much better. :)
I got to develop my writing and art skills quite well. So that's a check. But no, I did not join the Honolulu Marathon, and I barely ran all year... :P And, as you can obviously tell, I did not give an amount of two posts per month. I posted more than I expected I wouuld, but not as much as I'd like myself to...
But I learned a lot. A lot more than what I had expected. And that's got to be the biggest check on my resolutions list of 2010 than any of them.
I guess that's another funny thing...We can make our goals, but God takes them and makes them awesomer beyond our imagination. He takes what we have, and replaces it with something MORE.

I won't lie, it's been a difficult year, despite all the joys and accomplishments. My family and I had to move again, and that hurt just to know that after four years, we STILL haven't found the right home/house for us. I know God does indeed have that home prepared for us, but sometimes the waiting just tears me apart...
Anyways. Concerning school, 2010 didn't kill me. I think it decided to give 2011 the honor...
Emotionally...and in personal issues... There were quite few of those things that were difficult. Those stuff never bothered me before. I've always just avoided them. 2010 showered me with lots of things to think about - I'm a growing teenger. I'll spare you the drastic boring details, and well, the whole story, but I stepped into the great teenager world (if you're homeschooled, your launch happens late =D). But no worries, I've got a frying pan at my side to whack the weirdos who decide to stalk me. ;)
I basically did say a lot more in my other posts, so I'll go on. :P

I thought last year was going to be different...no, this year would probably have the most changes.
My sister is going to college. College! Noo, I didn't think we'd still be alive by then!!
I'm supposed to be a senior in highschool this year. I was thinking about enrolling in a homeschool program called Seton, so I could fly to Virginia in 2012 to receive my diploma. It'd be fun. But if you know Seton, then you know that I probably won't get there alive...lol. ;) But, we'll see...I still have to do a PSAT and then an SAT. Please keep me in prayers on that school stuff... Oh right. And I'm going to start driving this year. =] Yeah, you might want to pray for me on that too.

Anyways, that's enough for now. To close this little update, here's a favorite song of mine. :) It's helped me so much. I hope it touches you as it did to me. :)

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Wishing you all a merry, blessed, and exciting Christmas and New Years!! :) Tell Jesus how much you love Him and thank Him for everything and every amazing thing that has happened this year. :) Stay warm, and don't forget to thank all the Santas!!

Random thought for today

Okay, so here's what happened (a couple of months ago) after the 12noon Mass. :) I was talking to my friends - little kids, really sweet, crazy, imaginative, creative, and just, well, wow. :)
And so, the second youngest little girl from this other close family friends of ours, comes up to me and gives me a present for my birthday (It wasn't my birthday yesterday).
So, she goes, "Here you go, for your birthday."
Me, "Oh, that's so sweet of you! Do you want me to open it?"
Little Girl: "Umm, if you want to." But you can tell, though, that every part of her is basically screaming 'Ohh my GOSH! Just OPEN IT ALREADY!!'
And so I open it. And I find a beautiful angel pin inside the tightly folded and taped white paper, with laces and a few beads and some sort of golden thread material. And there's a sparkly blue plastic flower in the middle.
Me: "Ohhh, it's SO pretty!! I love it!" *hugs little girl*
And so the little girl beams, so proud of herself as she then says, "I found it on the floor."
I'm a little dumbfounded when she says this. This is a little girl who has five (did I mention crazy?) brothers, and only one baby sister. But she was SO proud of herself!

I mean, seriously, why is it that only little kids see the beautiful awesomeness in the littlest of things? The simplicity?
'Kay, so I have two little siblings - when they see something beautiful lying around on the floor, they keep it. In their treasure chest, jewelry box, or whatever.
I think that's what God does to us sometimes. He sees us on the floor, lost and alone, and is quick to save the beautiful thing from being trampled...And keeps it in a treasure box, His Heart. :)

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You’re happy, I’m happy. You’re sad, I’m sad. You jump off a cliff…

With a friend like me, why would you want to jump off a cliff??
There’s something heartwarming about friendship. That sweet camaraderie among those whom you’ve known the longest, the ones who’ve you can count on anytime of the day, and yes, those ones whom we just love to hang around with, no matter what age. We know that love is what binds friendship together, and that God is Love itself. We’ve seen many scenarios that teach us valuable facets of it, for example, in the media that so often effects us today, good ways, and pretty awful ways. But do we really know that it’s also a facet of a vocation to holiness?

In Toy Story 3, the toys are being called to a special kind of calling; the vocation of being present. They know at times, that even though they may never be played with again; just being there for their owner in good times and bad, strengthen their friendship more than ever. Lord of the Rings, I think, is all about loyalty and responsibility. As a friend, we are entitled to a responsibility and loyalty that goes beyond measure, but it acts on both our parts – Frodo and Sam are the best examples. In those desperate situations, many friends are promoted to family, and our responsibility and loyalty rises to that of a sibling. The Soloist teaches yet another valuable lesson that is often concealed. We can provide happiness, beauty, and everything they have ever dreamed of, but we cannot do everything. We may able to change their heart, with God’s grace, but we cannot change who they are. In the movie, Nathaniel suffers from schizophrenia; his friend Steve does everything he can to help him, but blames himself that he cannot solve the real problem. We can’t fix them into the way we want. Only God can do that. And those are the precious moments that God calls us to be in – just to be there for a friend is the best you can do – and let God do the rest.

There are way too many examples I can give that show the beauty of friendship. I chose these three, mainly because they have taught me a valuable lesson that gave an impact on my life. It may be a little strange to focus on that area, but if you know me pretty well (I tend to be a little too nice sometimes :P), it’d make sense. And maybe you’re like that, too. I don’t think of myself as a reliable and responsible teenager that everyone can count on. And not in the way you might think! Yes, I strive to clean up my room, make my bed, cook lots of desserts for my family, and stay constant in my faith, but when it comes to reaching out to someone, a friend or sibling, maybe, I find myself wavering over the decision to help or not a little too long. No, I’m not cold-hearted like that, it’s just that it takes a while for me to trust in God and remember that I should just be an instrument of his Love, not the one playing it. But that’s responsibility. Being there and reaching out to those in need – because in Christ’s eyes, we are all brothers and sisters. How could stand by and wait for them to come sobbing at our laps?

It’s that leap of faith, and that moment when friends get promoted to family, and you find/see yourself a little more clearly, too. If you don’t, it’s gonna be pretty lonely, for your friend, and for yourself, too. I know, it's scary. But don't forget that God is our Friend too, and He won't let us down!

We also must remember we are JUST God’s instrument. We don’t take charge, just take hope and know that God’s taking care of it, through you. I had a hard time accepting that. Not too long ago, I was driving myself nuts over a friend who was feeling broken – I felt really awful that I couldn’t heal whatever was wrong. I blamed myself for failing; it made myself miserable and made me want to give up. But God didn’t give up on either of us. Through the movie ‘The Soloist’ (and some reflection after seeing the film), I was able to understand a little bit more, and remember that I’m human. Duh! I can’t do everything – I can do everything I CAN, but I can’t do the impossible. Only God can. It was those moments when I was there for my friend, that God used to heal whatever was broken. Just being there may be the best thing you can do, like those toys, or the way Frodo and Sam portrayed it. I was only holding my friend’s heart together, while, not I, but God was healing it. And that experience taught me a lot that still deserves some more thinking.

So yes, true friendship is a facet of vocation to holiness. It’s through them that we feel God, and allow God to work through us. And you can never ever ever have too many friends; it’s like food. (No, no, don’t eat your friends!!) You need to eat, and you’ve got your favorites, but you can’t ignore the healthy stuff. And of course, there’s no harm in trying new food. Who knows? Might just end up as one of your favorites, too.
Love, responsibility, and loyalty. Three voices that combine to make one glorious hymn. Can you guess which one sings the melody?

“Friendship isn’t about whom you’ve known the longest. It’s about who came, and didn’t leave your side.”

So, if you’re happy, I’m happy. If you’re sad, I’m sad. You jump off a cliff…

And you can be sure that I’ll be at the bottom to catch you! :)

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"When you're fighting to believe in a love that you can't see, just know there is a purpose..." ♫

Waiting isn't much fun, huh? :(
Many times, a lot of times, we find ourselves waiting for something. A hope, a promise, anything really... Something that would spark our spirits to love God in that amazing way we have before, but somehow...we just don't feel it. Then you wonder what would it take for you to fall in love with Him again.



This has been one of my favorite songs for a while. It was the first song that came to mind when I heard the first Reading on Sunday (oh yes, I was paying attention!!). Sometimes we can't feel God and how He, at those moments, is wrapping His loving arms around us. He didn't love us any less. Did it ever occur that maybe we have...?
Yet, in the midst of all the brokeness, His promise - or whatever He has spoken to your heart - still stands firm. If it hasn't come, you can be assured that it's on its way, without fail, and has never stopped from coming. It's kind of like Christmas or Easter. It's not going to stop from coming, even though the days seem miserably long and hard. Even when it finally seems like everything has fallen apart (like in the vid when the girl's violin was smashed to pieces), God is still there to take us through. If He can't take us out of this dark night, then He'll at least take us through. :)
Pain, brokeness, sorrow...they're all a part of life, and necessary, too. "The pressure makes us stronger, the struggle makes us hunger... The hard lessons make the difference, and the difference makes it worth it." A lot of times we forget that God's time isn't always our time.

A mom of one of our close family friends gave me this to think about when I was going through some tough times:

Humility --do what you can and let Him do the rest.
Confidence--faithfully believe He will take care if things.
Abandonment -- His will be done.
Love- do what love requires and love yourself right where you are, He'll do the rest.

These were the four virtues that St. Therese taught - and this mom is a very close friend of hers. :) I figured it'd be a good time to post it - especially that I've missed posting a bit of St. Therese for her feastday, so...
I like that she mentioned "He'll do the rest," at least twice. I think we tend to forget about that... I do, for sure. :P

In the meantime, while we wait, we can be that hope for someone else. Share His love, even if we don't feel it, and let them know that they're not the only ones who feel broken inside, and struggles to hide it. It's hard, but yes, ultimately worth it.

P.S, I know this is super off-topic, but could you please vote on the poll that's on the sidebar? And let me know - 'cause I changed my backgrounda while ago, forget to mention - if the text is harder to read and if I should change the color...

Okay, who threw their watch out the window...?

I blame you for making time fly by!!!!

Can you believe it's October already? *doesn't raise hand* I still remember Christmas Caroling down in Waikiki with some of my bestest friends...and that only feels like five months ago.
For me, October is always that moment when you think somewhere along the lines of: "Darn. It'll be Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then New Years one after another. And before you know it, it'll be Valentines day, and then Lent AGAIN!"

Don't you hate it when life throws itself at you like that? Life should be treated like chocolate; savored slowly and with each little bite, you feel that satisfying sensation. Chocolates shouldn't be gobbled up. Where's the fun in that?


I've had a lot of grown-up moments this year. Several times I had to assume the title of 'big sister' when my older sister wasn't around. I'm pretty bad at it, but at least I've got a brother who looks centuries older than me. We don't even look alike...(on the sidenote, my younger sister just told me that if we weren't related, and she saw me walking around Waikiki, she'd definitely think I was a tourist).
Besides being stressed out about moving, which I never really had before, there was the teenage drama going on with my friends, and that whole friendship thing, when you talk to someone about why you're hurting and God's miraculous intervention. This was the first time I've talked about stuff like that to a friend. Okay, it wasn't a real-life conversation, nor a phone conversation. ...It wasn't email either. It was uh, Facebook messaging... (you can laugh now) But that still counts, right??
I can remember the many times I've rolled my eyes whenever my mom talks about stuff like that with her friends. I was like, 8-ish, and seeing my mom cry about emotional stuff that has happened was amusing(my mom has this really loud & jiggily laughter that you can hear a mile away). But now that I've experienced it, I can really understand why talking about it brings you to tears. Wow. Just amazing. Weird, but amazing.

Another grown-up moment was when I was camping this weekend. I snuck away with my older sister to go stargazing on the beach. Lying there on the cool and fine sand, I wondered about a lot of things that had happened lately. I realized that there was a very big difference between two times of the homeschool group I have been in. The one that seemed like decades ago, and the one now. Why do I think of them as almost two seperate groups? Because the one decades ago - almost all of the members had either moved away to the mainland(military), or decided to non-homeschool their kids. They were all replaced with new friends and families. Anyway, the old group had lots of kids around 8-12yrs. There was a teenager or two, but that was it. Now? I can count up to almost twenty teenagers, most of them around my age. And not a lot of them are military. I realized that these would be those friends that you'd grow up with - throughout the rest of highschool year, graduation, and possibly college. Years ago, those things would never come to mind. Years ago, growing up never existed. And years ago, it felt like God was holding the future in His Hands, and there was nothing to worry about.

That's another thing that I've been wondering about. Why is it that the older we get, we worry more? God HAS been holding the future in His Hands, before we were all born. It's not like the future is like one of those annoying toy thingies - you know that plastic tube/thingy with sparkley liquid in it that you can't squeeze? Something like that.

This school year I'm doing my best to be a Junior. Already, you may ask? Homeschooling can be confusing, yet extremely organized. The good news is that I've caught up with some school work and have gotten ahead in those areas. The bad news is that I'm still behind in some areas. The plan so far that I've tried to sketch in my head goes somewhere along the lines of getting enrolled in Seton Home Study School for my Senior year, so that I can fly to Virginia in 2012 for graduation.
I have a lot of friends graduating that year, and are also flying to Virginia. That gives me a year to catch up with my not-so-good areas. It's not impossible; it's just that I have those moments where motivation is very much lacking in me. So do keep me in your prayers. :) And if you have any helpful advice, please, do share!

What goes beyond that, I am not entirely sure. I do know though, that I'd like to do something with art (art history is so AWESOME!!...that, and I love to do artwork). I'm self-taught, and very sad that I can't afford art lessons. I suppose my top area is manga/anime art. I'm not much of a fanatic, and haven't had much time lately to do anything, but I'm pretty surprised that in a period of about a year, I've gotten farther than I've expected to. (to close friends: I can email you a couple of pics I've done before). But an ultra-awesome thing is that I've drawn several saints in this style. I don't think they look as awesome as they deserve, but it's still pretty cool. So I suppose this brings me to an idea of learning to do animation? That would be really neat. John Paul the Great University provides classes on animation. Other than that, I do want to learn other art styles. But who knows what will happen? Only God does. :)

Another thing is writing. As you can probably guess by this super-long blog post, I do love it (Yes. I know. I'm weird.). I admit that I have had many attempts at writing a book, fantasy/fiction, and maybe a short story or two that's connected to another story, but that's it. It's either lack of motivation, or another idea springs up and I want to go with that one that stops me. Believe me, I have plenty of ideas, stories, and fun stuff in my head that I want to write, but those ideas outweigh my writing skills. In other words, I can't write it all out very well. I'm still trying to find out my writing style. But now that I'm getting older, and running out of time before Senior year, I really want to finish up at least a draft of a story. That sense of accomplishment would be really great. On another area, essays don't prove to be too hard unless there is absolutely no inspiration. Do pray for me regarding that...

One last thing is music. I'm no prodigy - all I can do is play the piano and a bit of the violin. But I've also done a little experimenting here and there, and actually has gotten into song writing. Song writing? Really? Yep. It's a lot more fun than I thought!

So...any college hope for me? I've taken a look at lists of degrees and majors and whatnots, and looked at the list of "These are more necessary if you want to get a nice and well-paying job." Is it just me, or is that kind of scary?

Oh, and another grown-up moment: I lost my keys. (No, not my car keys!!! I don't wanna drive yet!! ...That comes next summer.) Now I know how annoying that feels...


P.S.~I hope this post made up for the absence. The picture is a sunrise at the campsite I was at.

Broken hearts?

...just one of those moments when you're feeling kind of down, and then in the middle of Mass, your mind kind of clings on to a word or phrase the priest says, and then, well, a chain of thoughts begin to collide.

Anyway, this is going to be somewhat of a blog update as well...along with yet another mini-reflection. :)

First of all, there have been a lot of changes going on with me and my family. Some I love, and some...well, I'd rather not be best friends with. :P I can't exactly say what they are, but I'll continue on anyway. Let's just say that my sibs and I are growing up, my parents are working harder to support the family, and the world is giving me this weird stare that says, "Hi there. You're a teenager! Welcome to the world!" Right now I'm giving the world a sour look. I'm really relieved that I'm homeschooled, but I know now that being homeschooled doesn't change the fact that we're going to grow up, live according to what morals and important stuff we've learned, and yes, work in the world. Being homeschooled definitely, I would say, changes the color of my life to a different shade that defines me, and not who the world defines me as. (did that make sense?) I get that feeling that I've been watching the world with wide eyes in a binoculars, and then the world kind of jumped at me and kind of made the binoculars hit the areas around my eyes, and now there are marks and now it's laughing at me.
Okay, I'll leave that there otherwise my mind might wander off aimlessly. ;) :)

Okay...um, right, broken hearts. Lately, I've been dealing with 'brokenness of heart'. Teenage drama. Something that I never thought I'd get my face into. :P Recently, I had a conversation with a friend about broken hearts. Not much fun at all (the topic, not the conversation...). We were both feeling down for a number of reasons, but somehow, we managed to get by with the grace of God. Thinking about it made me come to some sort of conclusion: 'it takes more than one to repair a broken heart.'
Which is true sometimes, when you think about it. Brokeness comes in many forms. It can come in disappointment in yourself or others, loss of someone you care about...or just plain brokeness when the world seems to tell you that God has left you alone.

It's painful to pick up the broken pieces and walk alone, fearing that if you put it back together, it'll just break again. But that's what good friends are for. Friends and family are there to hold the pieces of your heart together so that God can heal it. They can help pick up the pieces and remind you what your heart is made out of, and Who made it. "Big hearts fall hard" I like to think of it that way. :) If your heart shattered hard, then you must've had a pretty big heart.
Some days ago, I stumbled upon this quote, "Friendship isn't about whom you've known the longest - it's about who came and didn't leave your side." Many friends will join you arm in arm when your road is filled with flowers, rainbows, and sunshine. Few others will accompany you through the dark woods and stony steep paths. I'm sad to admit that I've been there - as one of those friends who would only join if the road looks promising. Those friends whom I've left alone had the unfortunate experience of being pushed away when they were trying to a true friend to me, and were rewarded by walking their steep paths alone. And now they've learned not to ask for help when feeling down.
We've all had our ups and downs in life. Thankfully, I was able to resolve the most part of the matter and now I'm back to being a true friend (at least trying to :) ) to another who experienced a broken heart for a while. (He's okay now :) )
But yeah...don't be afraid to ask God to help. That's beautiful humility right there, asking for help like a child who needs his/her mother or father.

Another thing I wanted to add...Everyone has felt a little bit of brokeness in their lives. Even Jesus.
During Mass, when the priest said the word 'broken' at the altar, it made me think...Our hearts break for something very special. They break because of something that ties in with love. Jesus' Heart broke and bled for us all over and over again. Can that sort of love make our hearts break for Him? If you imagined yourself at the crucifixion of Our Lord...would your heart break at the sight? HIS heart breaks everytime we go or do something wrong. Or if we can't somehow feel or see Him. Or if we're going through tough times and crying. Just know that He holds you in His arms everytime that happens.

I'm still coping with these changes - growing up is tough, I admit it - I'm not superhuman or anything. No one is. Everyone feels pain and confusion. Everyone thinks a lot and wear smiley masks. And not everybody loves changes.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept changes...the courage to change the things I can...and the wisdom to know the difference." ~Anonymous

That's a part of one of my favorite quotes ever. :) It's helped me a lot during these times. I pray that it helps anyone out there who's dealing with changes, too. :) Sometimes it's something we have to learn...the experience I suppose, can be quite worth it. Just remember that you don't have to go through brokeness alone. God's always there, and He's more than willing to send you an angel to help you get by your pain! :)

(btw...I know, totally off-topic here, but I set up a poll on my sidebar...and I'd really appreciate it if you could please vote! :) )

Smile!

Hmm......Well, I noticed it was getting a little quiet here, so I've decided to write up a little thought/reflection thingy. I was looking through a bunch of quotes about smiles that made me think...

"Smile! It's the 2nd best thing you can do with your lips." -by Whoo Noes(? really, I don't know...) :P :)
Ever heard of that saying before? ...You know, I've always wondered what the first best thing was... :P Well, I'm not going to talk about that, so let's just move on, shall we?

‎"Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." ~Mother Teresa
I have to say that I absolutely love this quote. Her way of life basically is a smile! She's so sweet to say something like this, even going through a 'night of darkness' - and that's not much fun at all.

"Wear a smile - one size fits all!" -Anonymous
Yes, everyone can smile. It's not that hard. We don't have to feel it all that happiness to smile. It's healthy for you. And healthy for everyone around you. Who knows, maybe it will impact someone's life. So smile, or else.

I like to think of smiles as little flowers or colors. Especially when it comes from the heart. They can brighten up your life and mood, and even make the world seem like a better place. But a lot of times (and I mean A LOT), we take them for granted, and don't see them as something wonderful. And then forget about them. And that forgetfulness is sad.
I have a few friends who are one of those 'happy - not happy - happy-and-then-not-happy' people...and well, I think we all do (I think we can even be some of them...well, you know what I mean). :) It's amazing how a smile can re-ignite the flame of hope in people's hearts. It's like a silver-lining, a hug, a pat on the back, but all of that in just one simple smile.

Also...a smile is like grace. It's contagious, passing from person to person - like grace, if you pray for one person, they may be led to pray for another person, or like that commercial (State Farm, I think it was?) when one person helps another, and a witness is moved to help someone else. It's like that.

It's also like a painting too. I'm one of those people who really appreciate art and would stare at European paintings (especially religious paintings) for a long time and try to find the story behind it. What I really enjoy seeing though, is the effort that people put into it. A lot of painters get paid to paint something - and some of them can be kinda weird - but when they paint from the heart, it's just beautiful beyond words. Even if it's just a kid drawing. They put effort into it to show that they care. Smiling shows that people care and put their effort in to show it.
I also love to imagine some of those scenes in the Gospel (try to figure out the one I've thought of ;) ) where I see Jesus smiling as he says something really bizarre and confusing to the people (well, it must've been 'out of the blue' back then), as if Jesus knew what was going to happen in the future and could just see inside people's hearts. Then there's another time when I imagine he must've been smiling at the old suffering woman who touched his cloak to be healed - he must've knew how she felt. That's another 'facet' of smiling. We smile because we know and care. When you can't think of the words to say how much you care, just smile. Next time you drop by the Chapel or Blessed Sacrament at your parish, give Jesus a smile when you can't think of any words to say.

Okay, well, that's my little thought for the day. There's a lot that I could add, but that's all there is on my mind right now. :) I bet a person could fill up a whole book about smiles... But anyway thanks for putting up with my random thoughts! :)

Quick post...

And yes, I mean a really quick post. (I am a bit exhausted as I type this...) Here's a pic of the Daughters of St. Paul Motherhouse in Boston, where my 'sis and I spent an entire week. ^_^ ♫ ♥ ♫ I haven't uploaded a lot of them in my computer yet, so...I promise I will get to post more about it in the future (however near that may be...) :) But I hope you all have been having an awesome summer so far!! =D I know I have.

...

Gosh, it's almost been two months since my last post. Time flies by so fast!

Anyway, to reward you for actually visiting this blog, here's a pic I managed to take of the relic of St. Damien of Molokai. Yes, they actually opened the box on his feastday! His feastday is now an actual recognized 'day' by the state of Hawaii. Apparently they're working on having it as a state holiday...that would be sooo cool even though I won't have a day off from school. :)

Anyway, believe it or not, homeschooling life is really busy-like. But we've got daily Mass, so everything's all good. :)

There's been a lot of changes in life lately, and lots of stuff planned for the rest of the year.
One of them is that...My older 'sis and I are going to Boston for the St. Paul Summer Program again! Hurray!! ^_^ We leave around next week, so please (pretty please with whipped cream and powdered sugar and a cherry on top!) keep us in your prayers! We'll also be staying a week in CA to visit our aunts. I shall post pics when I come back!! (that is, if we do come back...lol, I'm just kidding. :)

And ouch, well, I'm still getting over the fact that the year is just about half over. I sincerely hope it has been going slower for you. :)
Thanks for putting up with me readers! (If there are any of you left...)

"Your Love is a Song"

Here's a nice song that I've been listening to lately...entitled: Your Love is a Song, by the Christian band Switchfoot. (They also did a song for Chronicles of Narnia!)
We can't receive God's love to the fullest unless we open our minds, eyes, and hearts to Him. And when we do, His Love will carry us away like the most beautiful of melodies. ^_^ ♫

Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! :)