Sunday, August 22, 2010

Broken hearts?

...just one of those moments when you're feeling kind of down, and then in the middle of Mass, your mind kind of clings on to a word or phrase the priest says, and then, well, a chain of thoughts begin to collide.

Anyway, this is going to be somewhat of a blog update as well...along with yet another mini-reflection. :)

First of all, there have been a lot of changes going on with me and my family. Some I love, and some...well, I'd rather not be best friends with. :P I can't exactly say what they are, but I'll continue on anyway. Let's just say that my sibs and I are growing up, my parents are working harder to support the family, and the world is giving me this weird stare that says, "Hi there. You're a teenager! Welcome to the world!" Right now I'm giving the world a sour look. I'm really relieved that I'm homeschooled, but I know now that being homeschooled doesn't change the fact that we're going to grow up, live according to what morals and important stuff we've learned, and yes, work in the world. Being homeschooled definitely, I would say, changes the color of my life to a different shade that defines me, and not who the world defines me as. (did that make sense?) I get that feeling that I've been watching the world with wide eyes in a binoculars, and then the world kind of jumped at me and kind of made the binoculars hit the areas around my eyes, and now there are marks and now it's laughing at me.
Okay, I'll leave that there otherwise my mind might wander off aimlessly. ;) :), right, broken hearts. Lately, I've been dealing with 'brokenness of heart'. Teenage drama. Something that I never thought I'd get my face into. :P Recently, I had a conversation with a friend about broken hearts. Not much fun at all (the topic, not the conversation...). We were both feeling down for a number of reasons, but somehow, we managed to get by with the grace of God. Thinking about it made me come to some sort of conclusion: 'it takes more than one to repair a broken heart.'
Which is true sometimes, when you think about it. Brokeness comes in many forms. It can come in disappointment in yourself or others, loss of someone you care about...or just plain brokeness when the world seems to tell you that God has left you alone.

It's painful to pick up the broken pieces and walk alone, fearing that if you put it back together, it'll just break again. But that's what good friends are for. Friends and family are there to hold the pieces of your heart together so that God can heal it. They can help pick up the pieces and remind you what your heart is made out of, and Who made it. "Big hearts fall hard" I like to think of it that way. :) If your heart shattered hard, then you must've had a pretty big heart.
Some days ago, I stumbled upon this quote, "Friendship isn't about whom you've known the longest - it's about who came and didn't leave your side." Many friends will join you arm in arm when your road is filled with flowers, rainbows, and sunshine. Few others will accompany you through the dark woods and stony steep paths. I'm sad to admit that I've been there - as one of those friends who would only join if the road looks promising. Those friends whom I've left alone had the unfortunate experience of being pushed away when they were trying to a true friend to me, and were rewarded by walking their steep paths alone. And now they've learned not to ask for help when feeling down.
We've all had our ups and downs in life. Thankfully, I was able to resolve the most part of the matter and now I'm back to being a true friend (at least trying to :) ) to another who experienced a broken heart for a while. (He's okay now :) )
But yeah...don't be afraid to ask God to help. That's beautiful humility right there, asking for help like a child who needs his/her mother or father.

Another thing I wanted to add...Everyone has felt a little bit of brokeness in their lives. Even Jesus.
During Mass, when the priest said the word 'broken' at the altar, it made me think...Our hearts break for something very special. They break because of something that ties in with love. Jesus' Heart broke and bled for us all over and over again. Can that sort of love make our hearts break for Him? If you imagined yourself at the crucifixion of Our Lord...would your heart break at the sight? HIS heart breaks everytime we go or do something wrong. Or if we can't somehow feel or see Him. Or if we're going through tough times and crying. Just know that He holds you in His arms everytime that happens.

I'm still coping with these changes - growing up is tough, I admit it - I'm not superhuman or anything. No one is. Everyone feels pain and confusion. Everyone thinks a lot and wear smiley masks. And not everybody loves changes.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept changes...the courage to change the things I can...and the wisdom to know the difference." ~Anonymous

That's a part of one of my favorite quotes ever. :) It's helped me a lot during these times. I pray that it helps anyone out there who's dealing with changes, too. :) Sometimes it's something we have to learn...the experience I suppose, can be quite worth it. Just remember that you don't have to go through brokeness alone. God's always there, and He's more than willing to send you an angel to help you get by your pain! :)

(btw...I know, totally off-topic here, but I set up a poll on my sidebar...and I'd really appreciate it if you could please vote! :) )